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[08 Aug 2005|12:40am] |
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mood |
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sick and disgusted |
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BARF.
PUKE.
HURL.
UP CUCK.
SPEW.
PUMP MY GUTS OUT.
WRETCH.
GAG.
EXPELL.
AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.
(((I'm sorry Mary Kate. I'm such a flakey loser.)))
I'm such a sucker for this crap. NO USAGI. MAMO-CHAN ISN'T REAL!!!!! IT'S ALL A TRAAAAP!!!!!!!! That's right, refuse the dark power biyatch!!!
RRRRRR.
P.S. Sailormoon won.
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[20 Jul 2005|07:02pm] |
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mood |
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 good |
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Finished my mother fucking dvd and it's awesome.
I bought a book today called freshfruits lol
My stomach hurts.
I'm basically done with all my work. I have to carve and glaze my ceramics.. and thats it.
later.
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[18 Jul 2005|07:05pm] |
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mood |
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 accomplished |
] |
20 days to my brothers birthday. And the last monday of Maryland. My dvd is coming along.. and I fixed up my self portrait so things are going okay. My dvd part is the best... how sad..
anyways.. I really am starting to enjoy myself and my work. Alot of freaking out brought me to this point. But so far this is how things look:
> I understand how to make a good video (even if I don't make one)
> In the weight department I gained alot then lost it.. so I come out even?
> I made some really great friends that I can visit.
> I've gained alot of experience.
> I know about a college I might want to go o in the future.
> I'm 50x cuter and 50x cooler
> I've learned alot. yay.
So yes. Yay!
There are so many shades of color right?
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[11 Jul 2005|01:31pm] |
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mood |
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 blank |
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It's really amazing how I'm just. I don't know. Nothing really.
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[10 Jul 2005|09:34pm] |
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mood |
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 optimistic |
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My neck fucking huuuurtz. 90's dance party last night.. the offspring.. i couldn't be held responsible for what happened.
So far the experience is helping me as a person. the art part is following behind... but I think it's just going to take me a little longer to really be comfortable and effective in this medium. I'm very optimistic about it.
So Mary Kate, Tom, Anna, and I hit the town yesterday. It was fun. My period kept rearing it's ugly head. Hee. We went to a sex shop, a head shop, and a resturant called ruby tuesday. I ordered an appletini, no questions. haha. But before all that we actually headed to Anna's house. Her great great, great etc. grandfather was Stonewall Jackson and she actually has his bed frame in their guestroom lol.
So last night I was buzzed from about two swigs of cheap vodka. Today on the way to studio I found a whole pack of camel and a lighter. Scary. Apparently it's illegal to sell cloves in MD.
So I slept till 12:30 today. That was fantastic. I also saw Life Aquatic. That, too, was fantastic.
Haniya and I both apparetly have the same neck pain. Rock on.
Note from Haniya: any viewer witnessing this journal is subject to nirvana flashbacks and ice cream with soda. thank you and goodnight.
That was Haniya. Anyways :)
Who knows... things are getting more comfortable, more helpful, and are changing me more. I actually have the means to visit alot of these people.
I guess a skater jumped the great wall of china. that's pretty badass.
I'm also getting alot of good music. AHAHA.
So I have no stamps and could only send out Tracy's letter. I'l get stamps tommorrow I swear.
Anyways.. god only press me to make more movies.
I'll send pictures soon I swear.
Later everyone.
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[05 Jul 2005|01:13pm] |
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I feel sick as hell.
I need to write contemplative thoughts to use in my video. It's hard to do that when there's three shades of white on these keys.
Oh fuck I'm sick.
So my very first video about a penny was cool. The next three sucked. I suck. Well.. what's to be expected. I don't have enough time to give good thought to moving images and living sound.
Goddamn.
I'm a really miserable creature.
My previous night contemplations were foreshadowing my big explosion today. It's horrible. Settings can't change me. Haha. Isn't it just weird.
The destructive and constructive interference, the constant wrestling between nothingness and infinity. Damn.. i feel sick.
So I guess I have to slide out of this plateu either to the hills or the valleys.
Either way I have to develope something on my own.
Tonigt I'm talking to the TARC David and we're ordering dinner. We're going to talk about 4d, performance, and installation art. Then I'm going to a book binding workshop. I'm excited.
I guess I should really get to writing... huh...
Anyways.. Dorm life is still going good. I need to apologize to Mary Kate. Sometimes I'm so fucking retarded.
I'm writing letters.. so everyone should be getting them this week. I hope I get some back. I'm very lonely here. I guess I've just not been sociable enough.
I'm going to puke I swear. Anyways.. I'll check in later. bye.
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[04 Jul 2005|11:45am] |
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I come bearing pictures
( MIICCAAA )
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[29 Jun 2005|10:56am] |
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Okay. So things are going awesomely
Me and Mary Kate are super buddies CHAA.
She's not badass. She's cool weird. Chicken.
So her bf Tom is awesome too. And we got a huge peice of canvas and stapled it to our wall and now have gessoed it with the intent of creating a badass mural.
I have some cool people in my video class too. Hineai? (sp?) and Maria. Its fucking fantastic. We're packet #2.
My instructor Patrick is cool. My TARCs are kind of stupid.
But me and Mary Kate and Tom are rocking it hard. I get to meet at least one new person each day.
There is a crucified pizza and zoo pal on our wall.
People actually want to look at my art.
the Cafe coffee is icky. And the pizza delivery is slow
I am having fun. I haven't gotten to make alot of art but I made one funny video about a penny. Chicken.
So motherfucker and I are gunna go to the store later. Motherfucker's dad is bringing more stuff
I also have pictures. GAWK.
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[26 Jun 2005|12:51pm] |
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mood |
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 sick but mellow |
] |
So I tried posting about three times before this around exam times.. and it didn't work.. and I got fed up so I haven't posted. Yes.
Well, last week was badger girls. I was voted coroner, I had to battle it out for it man. It was fun, very very HOT. Good experience over all. Saw Kalli alot.
Does anybody know where I am now? Yes. Surprise. Maryland. MICA. and it's fucking sweet. The dorms are AMAZING. kitchen area, two rooms, lounging area, okay bathrooms. AC. air conditioning! The campus buildings are goregous, the commons are pretty sweet. I got here yesterday. I cried alot when leaving my mom. I'm such a wuss
I cried when I was with Tracy and Amber too. Me and tracy hung out. then dennys. Then i waent to bed and woke up to go on the plane.
Anyways. I have 2 roommates. Mary Kate and Anne. There both badasses, more Anne than Mary Kate. Mary Kate is super weird. I'm making a video about it all.
We haven't started classes yet. Yesterday was orientation and tours, today is foundations in visual thinking. But I'm not getting too much into it.
Actually, I'm sick. Hot, dizzy, stuffy nose. Not good.. I keep falling asleep.
Anyways.. it's pretty sweet... Or holds the possibility of bein sweet. I only know one other person in my course. They're are about 200 kids here.
That's it. Peace out. If I love you you'll get a letter.
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[24 May 2005|10:38am] |
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mood |
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agagagaaa |
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Yes so... things have become clearer for me. I've not gotten back into anything.. i've made into something new.
Blah blah.
So it's offcial.. i am going to maryland. My Aunt Julie can help with airfare (she's a travel agent) and with some cash, and mr. moran says he is asking some oganizations for donations. For those of oyu who don't know, I got a $1000 to go to Maryland summer program, and I still have $1,800 to cover. tough.
I also got a $850 from chicago, but yes.
I've decided when I go to camp I'm going to make a video, a video about video camp. And the song I shall play is this one, girls on film duran duran.
My photo and writing has really taken a boost in the last while. I just might have time to do everything. Thats crazy.
Choir concert tonight. Bohemian Folk Song. I'm so excited.
Yes well.... Catch ya later.
I'm going to Maryland for a month! It's so unreal! AHAHA.
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[16 May 2005|10:11am] |
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mood |
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 bleeek |
] |
I'm really tired.
What do I want to do here? I mean really? What gets me off?
I need to wake up.
I'm so full of shit and no money to sponser it.
i'm out.
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[15 May 2005|10:02pm] |
July 15th.
September 23rd.
Ahhhh......
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[02 May 2005|09:36pm] |
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mood |
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sick to my stomach |
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so my mind has been consumed with seven thoughts recently.
1. apush. apush. apush. apush.
2. finishing the art camps (done)
3. the play
4. my jobs/ money
5. all my other homework
6. my nasty body
7. How I've neglected my friends.
Carly and Kristen goddamn it's horrible.
I can't even begin to deal with my life until the ap test is over with. I hope you guys understand! I'm so sorry. I'm gunna call you right now.
okay. back... about 2 hours later hahaa...
anyways
those japanese can fucking make a batch of incense damn. seriously this is strong ass, awesome stuff. If it's strong to me than goddamn it must kill everyone else.
yes well..... my head is killing me about drama. I'm so rundown right now I don't feel any compassion for anything. Only what's in my head, not any of the ways I like to express it. So I've sort of boarded myself in my fantasy. It's nice, but unfruitful
i like these pants but not the gut that hangs over it.
blek
i can't finish this, i feel sick
Maybe I'll get long hair again one day.
yes well.
I'm too vain anyways
So I think I'll spend this paycheck on media. Cd's or dvds.
Lets see... $95... -$35 for current costs... $60..... take away $20 for saving... $40.. take away $20 for gas.... $20 bucks.
hmm.. Maybe I won't spend it on cds or dvds...
I hope my LeDucs paycheck is good. Blek.
Yeah. So. I dunno. I've been pretty productive today. Fairly. It's amazing what takin off work can do for you.
i've gotta call TLC.
I think next week I'll work out after school. I dunno what a week or two is really going to do.. but whatever.. anything to get rid of these love handles. Maybe I should try eating well? yeah right.. I have no confidence and no self esteem. I'm just sort of hangign out with myself, no matter how much I'm at odds with it. We're both sitting with our coffe cups drinking our 2% milk. I guess that encompasses it all.
I better stop rambling and get back to my homework.
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[13 Apr 2005|08:25am] |
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mood |
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sending it all out to you |
] |
so. .yeah... I lied Carly. I'm doing the day of silence too. I thought about it. It's something I really beleive in so why do it half assed? I'll talk when I have to, like for the meeting. But till then zip.
I hope your okay. Theres alot of people doing it here. So, I really hope you get through the day okay. People fucking suck.
I'm listening to you right now. So when your all quiet and inside yourself today, I hope you know I'm thinking of you and I hope I'm in there a bit too.
Good luck baby.
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[10 Apr 2005|10:57pm] |
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mood |
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high and babbling |
] |
Do I have the experience to stand on my own propped up ideas??
I am a psuedo intellectual. Yes. Spelling.
No no no. I can't be so presumptious. I'm okay without someone else's edit??
words what they mean to mean.. isn't that writing??
"I wonder if everything I do, I do, instead, of things I want to do more."
wow. Ani can you answer me??
Joyful Girl
i do it for the joy it brings
because i'm a joyful girl
because the world owes me nothing
and we owe each other the world
i do it because it's the least i can do
i do it because i learned it from you
i do it just because i want to
because I want to
everything i do is judged
and they mostly get it wrong
but oh well
'cuz the bathroom mirror has not budged
and the woman who lives there can tell
the truth from the stuff that they say
and she looks me in the eye
and says would you prefer the easy way?
no, well o.k. then
don't cry
and i wonder if everything i do
i do instead
of something i want to do more
the question fills my head
i know that there's no grand plan here
this is just the way it goes
and when everything else seems unclear
i guess at least i know
i do it for the joy it brings...
wow. Crazy coincidences eh?? Fucking BD man. Haha, and Jackie! What does it mean?? Is this culminating to a final ending?? Final destitute end? Haha to quote me.
That's silly. I am not prophet story-telling. But doesn't it all seem funny?? She feels like she's dying.
Hmm.
When did I become so useless?
__
Disemboweled presets of a nintendo click and go cozality. It was my miscalculation. Birth, life, and death checklist on a strap to go one two three. It would be handiwork that would yeild results in the pattern of up and back and now. So I decided to step towards that pinncale of presumption; outie, seems no, moth, to the flowers and back. Up with the faeries and down with the petals. What what with spelling? So I guess in summation there was nothing but illeration and rhymes to be had for all of the second ticking tock with more pop deluxe and visions of idealism conjoined in a never ending stream of bull shit. In summation it's bull shit.
__
I guess it pops out??
Damn I'm just one stupid bitch. What does that mean? Can I find myself through any outlet? Or better yet.. am I there through every outlet?? I should have drawn an outline. Hmm.
Irony right??
universal roundabouts are so cynical? Who fucking designed them? It was probably me.
bitter 90's cynism. haha. Or whatever era I'm in.
nite everybody.
(people I hung out with this weekend, aka ease my conicence:
-carly
-sonia
-tracy
-kristen B and her party (Alvin, Alex, Eric Rhine, Danny T., Kari P., Sina)
-maggie
-christine
-talked with abby)
Am I okay now?
Sorry, go ahead and chop my hands off. My gift to you. Van Gogh you were so right.
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[04 Apr 2005|08:31am] |
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so yes. Well.
Dresden dolls rule.
I should post some lyrics.
I keep looking up vintage prom dresses. Why?
Kristen sent me her story. It's super sweet.
Toffee died. On Tuesday. He apparently burrowed himself deep into the gravel and died. He's still there.
Yes well. I enjoyed my last post so much I almost didn't want ot post again.
You know what I cam to realize at 2 last night? Er, this morning? I'm red. I should capitalize on that.
Also. I like making loud noises and big gestures.
I am the girl and acronism? Help me??
DON'T GET ME WET! haha
Next time
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[03 Apr 2005|11:59pm] |
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destitute body: i found the perfect dress lol
destitute body: http://cgi.ebay.com/ws/eBayISAPI.dll?ViewItem&category=63851&item=8182503070&rd=1
SosamiOki: ...lol, alright, let's see this thing
destitute body: lol hot eh?
SosamiOki: lashu, it's perfect!!!
destitute body: yes.. i know..
SosamiOki: yer gonna get it yes? and then go to prom with angelo?
destitute body: yes
SosamiOki: and it'll be hot
destitute body: yes
destitute body: i also rented a unicorn
SosamiOki: excellent
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[01 Apr 2005|02:26am] |
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mood |
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jealous reverie |
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okay.. so this is going to be a quick sign-in before i pass out.
My computer is finally up again. yay. as of now I'm typing on the floor.. very interesting atmosphere being down here. My room is still baron besides my bed, hutch, and make-shift computer table, all of which are huddled int he middle of the room. my walls are white. blek.
for those of you who don't know, i'm grounded.
I also think i have a stomach flu. Not sure because I've never had one before, but my stomach has been upset for about 4 days now.
I also had to sign on because, due to my grounding, I've had quite alot of time (well.. only today...) to play FF*. And play I have. I have transgressed over to disc 3 and am currently where my brother decided to quit (not without good reason, I quit because this was the first time I had ever been killed/game over before, very heartbreaking I know)
but more importantly than the progress I've made int he game, is teh storyline. So, I'm fairly confused right now, but not when it coems to Squall and Rinoa. I almost died on how perfect everything was. It's really bringing out the same of my childhood. That and having to go through old boxes has really brought out the nostaligic, academic, romantic, and imaginative prelude to myself. Also.. a greater self loath at how cute I once was, how big and grotesque I got, and my pretty shabby current looks. as quoted to sina "I have a mullet".
anyways. Back to hot hot hot squall and rinoa. I thought I hated Rinoa, but now I see why squall likes her. It's just her smile. He personality is pretty cute/okay, but it's just the way she smiles that you kind of have to sit back and go "wow." I mean really, it's just so perfect, she's just so perfect! and squall, well, as a character I love him. In middle school I did a character analysis on him. He's such a relateable character, someone I can really attach myself too. and though sometimes the script is weird (I'm hoping translation bugs, haha.. yeah...no..), there are such big and immense characters and character energies in this story.
what a love story.
so in summary, i have once again given in to the sappy si9de.. and thus given into the lonely pathetic rut that I am currently in (and usually in denail/ignorance of)
incorrect wordiness really seems to bring out my character.
God, Squall <3 Rinoa
had to end on those thoughts. damn damn damn. night
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[20 Mar 2005|11:16pm] |
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mood |
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 relaxed |
] |
yeah so... I got a new cd case that holds 252 cds. I feel very satisfied.
Also, garbage is coming to the rave. If I could go.. that would be really sweet.
so I did history, FF8, shopping, hanging out, ebay/music surfing, and cleaning up all today. I feel quite satisfied.
I hope everything is okay.
I also hope i don't go bid crazy on fushigi yuugi.... damn...
nite everyone.
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[20 Mar 2005|11:44am] |
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mood |
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optimistic |
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I really like music. I'm in an expanding/learning mode.
I'm going to buy boa's cd twilight on ebay. Hopefully I'll get it cheap (it's about $43 otherwise)
we're going to capture Tracy today.
Madison was awesome. Kalli and I had alot fo fun.. We didn't buy much. We had noodles and company (mm good) and then along the way I got some jamba juice and Kalli got cold stone. I bought a ring with a green flower in it, and both Kalli and I got some funky tights.
It was cool.
I've been watching Fushigi Yuugi alot lately. It's.. so.. awesome... I can't beleive how much I love Tasuki!! *_*
I cleaned up my room friday. It's all different... It doesn't matter much.. but still.
My mom got the masonite to make my magnetic blackboard. I'm excited.
Christine and I went shopping on thursday, it was fun. Maggie's still sick, I felt bad.
Sina and I have been talking. It's cool.
Goddammit Carly and I have been playing phone tag haha. I love you Carly! I love you too Kristen, wherever you are!!
I sent an email to my dad. He sent me one back. It's nice.. I should call Grandma.
So I went music shifting over the internet. I'm excited. I didn't find new music persay, but I found new cds and I found a movie I'd like to watch.
I should be working on history.. blek.
Anyways... I'm so paranoid and suspicious of growing up. That's never been a problem for me. Up to this point I've been really excited to grow up, and now I'm just scared. When is it offcial and when am I ready?? I guess I'm not worried about being on my own.. I'm just worreid I'll be too stuck in ruts (liek I am now) to really be doing what I want. Hopefully I won't. Hopefully I'll be active and productive. Whatever.
I can't imagine leaving everyone of my friends. I really hope we keep our ties. I mean it. I get this feeling they don't want to.
Last day of saturday classes yestereday. Babysat last night. $$$$$$$$$$$$$
New classes start monday for me...
Monday: 4 - 5:45
Tuesday: 4:15 - 7:15
Thursday: 4 - 8
I got figure out something to do on my breaks...
oh damn.. I forgot.. I'm subbing this saturday morning.. well.. whatever.. lol...
I feel so much better when everything is clean, organized.. etc... I'm glad I got everything in other in my room, myself, and online.
Now I just got to wrok on my history.. I'm ready!
I'm going to take a shower first. Thanks for stoppin on by and checking up with me, it's very endearing ^__^
(too much anime)
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